When you’re anxious or stressed out, it’s easy to drift away from having a normal conversation. And it doesn’t matter how prepared you are. Your best laid plans will go to waste if you offend or anger the other person. Let us see some examples below that we must avoid when holding a conversation with your peer or manager.

Avoid using obvious words:

Sometimes, when you feel you have all the facts supporting your stand you may use words such as “clearly,” “obviously,” or “beyond doubt.” If you do this, you’re falling prey to naïve judgement — the belief that you’re privy to some objective reality that others will clearly see and agree with. Using such words might actually make others feel insulted or demoralized. Do not make your own views about the possibilities and derail the actual outcome.

Do not use negative words that overstate:

When you’re speaking with someone who has upset you on multiple occasions, you may find yourself inadvertently resorting to using phrases such as “You always do this …” or “You never comply…”

Overstating will undermine your overall credibility and lead to a debate about frequency instead of substance. “That’s not true,” the person is likely to retort, before proceeding to tell you about the specific date or occasion that runs counter to your claim.

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Don’t assume others will follow your orders:

Telling someone what they should do contains an implicit value judgment.

Sure, if you’re a leader responsible for a group’s values and culture, sometimes it’s necessary to be very clear about what should be done or how people should treat each other. Other times, though, especially when you’re not the boss of the person you’re speaking to orders will not make them comply.

Phrases like, “You might consider” or “One possibility is” or “Have you thought of?” increase your odds of having the conversation and influence you seek.

It just takes commitment to notice and minimize the use of these problematic words and phrases. Happy Talking!!